Richard’s Ramblings

Now that my ramblings have been around for almost three months, I thought I’d do a bit of web server log analysis to see what people had searched for when they finally arrived at my site. Here are only a few of the most interesting:

• “cbs survivor logo” — If it was me, I’d go directly to CBS for that…
• “historical nfl odds” — Sure. Call me Mr. Sports. Look, I can’t even remember what the names of the teams are, let alone past odds!
• “illegally forged emails” — For the low, low price of only $19.95 a month, I’ll write all your nasty emails for you, spoofing them as if they were sent by Miss November 1992, Playmate Stephanie Adams, webmistress extraordinaire. Call now!
• “new jersey feral ferrets” — Isn’t that the new rugby team in Hoboken?
• “block spam china hotmail” — If you can tell me how, I’d appreciate it too!
• “richard’s spot on the web” — Well, it couldn’t be a better match than that!
• “a dangerous toy” — No dangerous toys here. Probably should try the official Dangerous Toys website instead.
• “bernaola twin pictures” — Sorry, no pictures of Darlene and Carol here. Playboy perhaps?
• “you’ve got herpes” — Oooh, Lucy! Someone’s got some ’splaining to do…
• “block ip routes to china” — Wouldn’t the Chinese be upset about that?
• “bull testicles”, and “huge hairy testicles” — Surprisingly, a legitimate topic…
• “amazing race application process” — You know, it’s pretty simple really! C B S . C O M
• “nude religious jew”, “old ugly nude”, “ugly jew”, and “psychopath jew” — Stephanie, you found my site! Thanks for providing all the quotes!
• “extinct pit bulls” — aren’t they still around?
• “should smorking tobacco products be illegal” — Personally, I think anyone who smorks anything should go directly to jail.
• “big silicone enhanced bøøbš” — Who else but the tragic Lolo Ferrari? Take another look at the size of the censor bar on those!
• “life goals -abortion” — The fact that they had to specify that abortion was NOT a life goal makes me wonder. Are there so many sites out there where people claim it IS a life goal? Sick, people, sick.
• “how to induce heart attack suicide” — I sincerely hope that’s not what the person had in mind. I’d hate for my website to be the last site someone saw before they killed themselves…
• “coyote babes” — Women that howl? Have long snouts? Drool? Lick their privates in public? Chase cars? I give up…
• “technique make website temporarily unavailable” — flip the power switch.
• “spam áššhølë” — Yes, I think that’s where spam originates.
• “worst-web-design-companies” — YES! They finally found me!
• “foul language fûçk áššhølë” — Uhhh, I think you already have enough without having to search for more.
• “richard has bøøbš” — I do not! Why does my site come up first on Google with that query?! Sheesh!
• “the man with women bøøbš” — I do not have bøøbš, got it?!
• “enhanced male breasts” — Are you not listening?!
• “carol and darlene bernaola nude” — Again? Not here…
• “smorking cancer” — Smorking tobacco products sounds better than smorking cancer, even if it IS illegal.
• “nude sorceress” — Sounds great, as long as there’s not a nude Gandalf alongside. Might go for a female Hobbit, though..
• “unconscious ramblings” — You found the right place!

These stats are thanks to Webalizer v2.01 build 10. I installed it on my home computer, updated the configuration file, and ran it without a hitch. It was actually so fast that I thought it had failed! In less than five seconds it had analyzed four months of data. Ooo, Sean, I see you visited my site 26 times in May. And Monica, you’ve visited three times this month already.

Whoa! Visitors from 60 different countries! Man, I’ve gone international!

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