Richard’s Ramblings

First of all, if you’re a telemarketer, don’t call me, because you will merely be wasting your own time and money. I don’t patronize companies that leave flyers on the windshield of my car, leave them on my doorstep, fax them to me at home or work, and I certainly won’t buy anything over the phone from anyone who calls me out the blue, not even if it’s a free trial offer, a no-cost vacation, or the best thing in the world to come along since sliced bread. I don’t care if you’re Sears, Citibank, Chase Bank, Microsoft, Dell, or Bob’s Deli from down the street. (Although if you’re hot, naked, blond, and female, I might chat for a while — on your dime.)

Secondly, try to hire people with slightly more personality than the average turnip who at least have learned how to read from cue cards. Otherwise you end up alienating potential customers with the hesitating, staccato drone of a Dalek. “Hello… I’m calling… for… Mister… Richard… LeCour… I… want to… congratulate… you…”

I know these people are bored out of their feeble minds, but I can also tell that they have never read a story to a child. Add some life to it! Make me want to buy it! Show some enthusiasm! Demonstrate that the whatever-the-hëll-it-is-that-you-trying-to-sell-me card, product, ticket, fundraising event, doohickey is something that I cannot possibly live without! Entertain! Make me believe in you!

Not that you have a snowball’s chance in hëll of actually extracting any money from my wallet (see rule number 1 above), but you just might feel a bit better about yourself and about your pathetic telemarketing career before I hang up on you…

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