Making Up For Lost Time…
I get the weirdest spam:
I’m a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3524350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.
I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.
In terms of payment, I don’t have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.
INSTRUCTIONS MUST BE FOLLOWED EXACTLY:
Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Wednesday. August 6th at exactly 5:00pm Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me. I will not be there prior to 4:45pm EST, so do not transport before then.Item is to be delivered at an out of service tennis court located at: Latitude N 42.47935 & Longitude W 071.17355 and the Elevation is 119. WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!! I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SEND IT SO THAT THEY CANNOT REDIRECT IT??? If in doubt do not transport actual unit until your method of transfer can be confirmed as a success. You just might need to send a intergalactic courier to deliver item safely to me. If so be VERY careful at how they approach me IN MY WHITE CAR.
Of course, I checked out the coordinates and found that they were just a few hundred feet from the Joyce Memorial Junior High School on the outskirts of Woburn, MA. Too bad I got the email almost two hours after their self-imposed deadline, otherwise I might have been able to help…
You’d think a time traveller wouldn’t have to be so specific as to time, wouldn’t you.