OK, More Dirty Jokes…
Apparently, I haven’t gotten the need for these jokes out of my system yet…
A man walked into a bar and took a seat next to a very attractive young woman. He gave her a quick glance, then casually looked at his watch for a moment. The woman noticed this and asked, “Is your date running late?” “No,” he replied, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it.” Intrigued, the woman said, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” “It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” he explained. “What’s it telling you now?”, she asked. “Well, it says that you’re not wearing any panties.” The woman giggled and replied, “Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!” The man exclaimed, “Ðámn! this thing must be an hour fast!”
A blonde girl just stepped into the shower when the doorbell rang. “Who is it?” “Blind man,” came the response. Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the shower without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door. The man’s jaw dropped and he stammered, “Wh-where do you want me to put these blinds, lady?”
It was late on Christmas Eve and a man wanted to buy a last-minute gift for his new girlfriend. Accompanied by his girlfriend’s younger sister, he went to the local clothing store and bought a pair of expensive leather gloves. The sister browsed around the store and purchased a few pairs of lace panties for herself. During the checkout process, however, the rushed clerk mixed up the items and gift-wrapped the panties by mistake. The man taped a note to the box and asked the sister to put it under the family Christmas tree. His girlfriend opened the box the next morning to find the panties and the following note: “I chose these because I noticed you never wear any. I was going to get the long ones with buttons, but your sister showed me her short ones and they were very easy to take off. I had her try yours on for me and she looked great. Wish I was there to see you try them on the first time. Your sister said you’ve had a few other pairs over the years but tended to take them off and forget them in the mall or at the movies, so I’ll remind you to stick these in your purse when we go out. I hope you wear them for me Friday night. Oh, and both the saleslady and your sister both said the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a høøkër and I charge $20 for sex.” The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.”
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were stuck on a deserted island. They lived there for years, and one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it and — sure enough — out popped a genie. The genie said, “Since I can only give out three wishes, you may each have one.” So the brunette went first. “I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life. I just want to go home.” Poof! She was gone. The redhead then made her wish, “This place sucks, I want to go home too.” Poof! She, too, was gone. The blonde began crying uncontrollably. The genie asked her, “What is the matter?” The blonde said, “I wish my friends were here.”
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
Heard the other night:
When God created woman, he gave her not two breasts but three.
When the middle one got in the way, God performed surgery.
The woman stood before God, third breast in hand.
She asked “What should be done with the useless bøøb?” And God created man.
Grampa was having a birthday. He was turning 83.
His friends threw a party, and invited Natalie.
As the party wore on, she stood up in front of the group
And asked Gramps if he’d like super sex. He replied “I’ll take the soup!”