Random Stupid Stuff…
I’ve compiled a bunch of random stupid stuff I had written on a couple other websites that, for some reason, I didn’t want to just outright delete during my massive web clean-up campaign. It probably would have been much better if I had.
- Why is it that whenever you order onion rings or seasoned fries at fast-food restaurants there is always at least one regular French fry that hitches a ride? When I order regular French fries there are never any stray onion rings in the fry container, never any seasoned fries. Why is that?
- I was filling up my car at the gas station this morning when I heard a guy in a big, over-sized, black, Toyota pickup truck say to another guy in a similarly “macho” truck that his wife was so stupid that she couldn’t back up her car without turning her head all the way ’round. “Why doesn’t she just use the fûçkìng mirrors?”, he posed. I can just hear his wife telling her friends, “My husband is so stupid that when I told him that I wanted him to come home and get it up, he bought bigger tires for his fûçkìng truck.” (September 2003)
- The purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s in trouble.
- The easiest way to find something that is lost is to buy a replacement.
- Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
- While driving to work this morning, I was listening to the news on NPR. The reporter announced a crisis in which “protesters ignited in Kurdistan”. She quickly corrected herself with the more appropriate “protests”, but I was in hysterics all the way to work. (March 2005)
- Do people barely in control of their cars as they mindlessly chat on their cell phones realize that they are áššhølëš?
- In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
- Drive carefully; it’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
- Want European Economic Community fries with that?
- Never hit a guy with glasses. Always use your fists.
- If a tree fell on a florist, would he make any sound?
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
- If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
- Recently overheard: “It doesn’t have to be animated, I just want it to move.”
- Why is it that some people assume that just because they are awake at ungodly hours that you will be, too?!
- If one is supposed to “see no evil”, “hear no evil”, “speak no evil” — as portrayed by statuesque monkeys — why isn’t there a “do no evil” monkey?
OK, on that last one, it turns out that there is a fourth wise monkey who usually covers his crotch with his hands, but why isn’t he a regular in the proverbial depiction?
Four years of very sporadic postings all summed up in one short page.
