You wave your pen around and repeat “wingardium leviOHsa” to various inanimate objects
You talk in low hisses to snakes
You want to buy a train and name it the Hogwarts Express
You glue a compass to the dashboard of your car and try to get the car to fly
You try to make polyjuice potion
You get a diary [...]
Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, “Where the hëll is Harry Potter?”
Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: “The Ring.”
Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
Talk like Gollum all [...]
barbequing
beekeeping
blacksmithing
break dancing
bull riding
carrying an angry cat
chopping firewood
climbing a fence
feeding geese
fencing
filing for divorce
fly fishing
frying bacon
glassblowing
hedge trimming
learning to rollerblade
making a snow angel
paintball
picking up a child from daycare
playing ice hockey
playing leap frog
roofing with hot tar
running for office
shoveling snow
sitting on an ant hill
sliding down a banister
sliding down a hot metal slide
training an attack dog
weeding out poison ivy
OK, it’s not much, but it’s a start:
IN PRISON… you spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
AT WORK… you spend the majority of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.
IN PRISON… you get three meals a day.
AT WORK… you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON… you [...]
She should be less concerned with who she’d descended from and more concerned with who she’d descended to.
She doesn’t know the meaning of the word stupid; in fact, she doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.
She’s got a rip in her bag of marbles.
Trying to explain something to her is like trying to [...]
My Mom passed me one of those myriad joke emails that she gets frequently. I scrubbed the list of humorous wisdom and passed on the best:
If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it often.
Going to a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than [...]
A blonde and a brunete were watching the 6 o’clock news. It was about a boy who was about to jump off a building. The brunette bet the blonde $50 that the boy would jump. The blonde agreed, raising the bet to $100. Patiently, they waited the outcome. It turned out that the unfortunate boy [...]
I’m republishing this piece of spam just because I think it so funny:
In what CEO Bill Gates called “an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors,” the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.
With the patent, Microsoft’s rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products [...]
Don’t forget that today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrr! For those less educated on the intricacies o’ seafarin’ speech, try out the followin’ pickup lines at yer local tavern. They’re sure to get ye some action — aye, one way or another…
“Ye be drinking a Salty Dog? How’d ye like to try [...]
DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and that you read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8oz can, but now comes in a 16oz can. The can is divided into eight compartments of 2oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although [...]
