Windows 95 Airline
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, and easy access to the plane. After the plane arrives, 6 months late, you have a completely uneventful takeoff… then, once in the air the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Airline
All the passengers carry their seats out onto [...]
Next time I write a check to buy any Microsoft products, I think I’ll attach this little note:
By cashing this check, you indicate your acceptance of my License Agreement. This is a legal Agreement between you, the SOFTWARE COMPANY, and me, the END USER. The paid-for SOFTWARE is no longer restricted by any prior [...]
I get the weirdest spam:
I’m a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3524350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the [...]
It’s 1980 and the X-Men have recently lost two of their team members, Jean Grey — also known as Marvel Girl and later Dark Phoenix — and Scott “Cyclops” Summers. What bubble gum is being pitched within the comic books to kids of that era? It’s tremendous fun to look at some of the ads [...]
Books you will probably never see on Amazon:
Self-Castration: Is It For You?
Bi-Curious George
You Were an Accident!
Microsoft Windows: How It Beat Linux
Xanth: The Final Chapter
Strangers Have the Best Candy
The Apple Newton v9.0 Unleashed
The Children’s Guide to Hitchhiking
The Idiot’s Guide to Being an Idiot
Talk With Your Mouth Full
Saddam Hussein: The Autobiography
Handwashing for Dummies
Stedman’s Medical Guide for the [...]
Since I’ve been a bit too anti-French lately…
Only in America is lemonade made with artificial flavors and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons.
Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America do drugstores make [...]
It’s late on the last night of the month with less than an hour to go until May, and I’m feeling particularly pissy. In light of France having spied for Baghdad by supplying Saddam’s regime with confidential UN and US transcripts and documents over the past several years, and France just being a pain in [...]
Since today is Tax Day in the United States, with far too many people having procrastinated until the last possible minutes to file (Me? I’ve already gotten my huge refund!), I know that a large percentage of those still file manually — pencil, paper, and calculator in hand.
So I thought a few math and accountant [...]
Remember, an amateur built the Ark; professionals built the Titanic.
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands.
The truth is out there? Anyone know the URL?
Panties are not the best thing on earth, but are next to it.
A [...]
My son’s preschool schedule:
6:30 - 8:00 Arrivals, greetings, health checks and directed free play
8:00 - 8:30 Story, songs, games, etc.
8:30 - 9:00 Morning snack, bathroom time
9:00 - 10:30 Morning songs, calendar, job presentation
10:30 - 11:00 Outdoor free play
11:00 - 12:00 More story, songs, games, etc.
12:00 - 12:15 Clean up and lunch preparation
12:15 - 12:45 Lunch [...]
