Windows 95 Airline
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, and easy access to the plane. Getting through aiport security is a breeze; all passengers are allowed through to the gates without any screening. Once at the gate, passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying. After the plane arrives, 6 months late, you have a completely uneventful takeoff… then, once in the air the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.
The stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look exactly the same, act the same, and talk the same. All of them are mind-numbingly beautiful and grace the cover of many fashion and style magazines, and sometimes the centerfolds. Every time you ask questions about details of the flight, you are told you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie, sir.
Disgruntled employees of the other airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, “You had to do what with the seat?!”