Thoughts to Live By…

Some random thoughts on life you’ve heard before, and maybe some you haven’t:

  • Girl in Short PantsIt must be spring when you’re breathing in short pants.
  • There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can’t.
  • There are only 10 kinds of people; people who grok binary and people who don’t.
  • No problem is so big and complicated that it can’t be run away from.
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.
  • The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
  • If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  • Always yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
  • Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • Those who try to do something and fail are better off than those who try to do nothing and succeed.
  • There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1: Don’t tell people everything you know.
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
  • Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
  • The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
  • Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

Hey, I never said that all my ramblings were meant to be intelligent and insightful, did I?!

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This rambling was posted on May 6, 2002
and filed under That's Entertainment

Responses

2 Responses to “Thoughts to Live By…”

  1. Response #1
    Barry Steer (IP) on November 5th, 2002 at 3:51 am

    Hello Richard,

    I like your site. I stumbled accross it with that CONTROLS.MAN problem when installing windows XP professional. By the way, thanks for the advise. It worked wonders. I agree with all the stuff you say about microsoft and I like your section on “Thoughts to live by”. I thought you’d like some of these “Pearls of Wisdom”. You may have read these before but if not they are quite good.

    • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
    • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
    • It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
    • Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
    • Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
    • No one is listening until you fart.
    • Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
    • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
    • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of loan repayments.
    • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just fûçk off and leave me alone.
    • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
    • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day,
    • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
    • If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
    • Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
    • Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
    • Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
    • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
    • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
    • Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
    • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
    • Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
    • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
    • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
    • We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ášš … then things get worse.
  2. Response #2
    James F. (IP) on March 23rd, 2004 at 1:38 pm

    The early bird may get the worm, but the second rat gets the cheese.

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