Those Stupid Americans

I recently stumbled upon an AOL-hosted web page from 1996 titled The Evil of Pippi Longstocking in which the author claims that Pippi is the Antichrist, the devil, an evil concoction dreamt up by Germans and Swedes to fill the power vacuum left by Hitler’s death. I have to assume that David Nagel’s purpose in publishing his rather idiotic theories were to drum up controversy and revenue from the traffic the angered hordes would bring.

I can’t argue against that motive because that’s precisely the idea behind Richard’s Ramblings — find something interesting or informative to write about, slightly twist it around if it’s fictional, gratuitously sex it up with a sprinkling of bøøbs, bosoms, and breasts (oh, my!), and dish out a few comments designed to heat up the conversation. The extra traffic should increase revenues from click-through ads. Millions of websites have the same revenue model, as do Fox News and Howard Stern.

None of that works without the other side of the equation — the visitors. And, boy, are David’s Swedish readers riled! The visiting Swedes (Sweden being the country of Pippi’s origin) let their opinions fly:

  • Another stupid American; the world is full of them!
  • You’re probably a stupid American åsshølë!
  • I wipe my åss with the American flag and spit in your face.

Being a citizen of the United States myself, I was curious as to the sentiment of others. So I decided to find some additional opinions by searching the Internet with Google, spelling left intact:

  • The only thing Americans can teach is how to corrupt countries and take their money. All Americans are is greety båstårds.” — I think countries have been corrupting themselves for thousands of years without the help of the United States. Also, most people worldwide work hard to better themselves and provide as much as possible for their families. Americans included. Yes, there are some really bad, greedy Americans that can ruin things for everyone, even on a global scale — but not everyone fits that description. Personally, I have no idea how to teach someone to corrupt an entire country.
  • Photo © / Michael Ciranni

    [The] US is the laughing stock of the world. American cars suck, American people are stupid, fat and ignorant, your technology sucks.” — Yes, spoken out of prejudice and ignorance, Americans can be conceived as being the laughing stock of the world. So would whichever country happens to be in the economic and military lead at the time.

    Some American cars do suck, but the Yugo hasn’t won too many awards that I’m aware of. Interestingly, when I lived in Germany as a child, the fantasy car of choice by most Germans was a Pontiac — not a Mercedes or Porsche. I never understood that.

    This 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air — the big yellow thing under the half-naked, non-fat girl, who herself was created in the United States — was made possible by the first mass-produced automobile perfected by Henry Ford in 1896. As, too, were headlights (on the car, not the model) by Horatio Allen in 1831, polarizing sunglasses (sunglasses invented by Sam Foster (Foster Grants) in 1929, and polarization by Edwin Land (Polaroid) in 1932), and the digital camera used to take the picture by Kodak in 1975.

    You’re probably viewing the picture on either a personal computer (thanks to IBM in 1981) or a cellular phone (Motorola in 1973) over the Internet (sometime between 1960 and 1995, depending on your definition).

    American scientists at Dow Corning invented the first silicone breast implants in 1961. The bikini, however, is French, and the fingernail polish is of Chinese origin.

    Sadly, according to the OECD, the United States does lead the developing world in obesity rates, followed by Mexico, New Zealand, Chile, Australia, Canada, United Kingdom, Ireland, Luxembourg, and Finland. The WHO also includes United Arab Emirates, Qatar, and Kuwait in their fattest countries list. And, yes, some Americans are a combination of stupid, fat, and ignorant. So are some members of any other country in the world.

    If Microsoft products are used as the sole measurement of our technology, then, yes, it sucks. But I haven’t seen any other countries that provide the number of major innovations that have stemmed from America in the last hundred years. That the Swedes could read David’s diatribe on the Internet at all is thanks to the United States.

  • Americans are full of shìt. ignorant, yet stuppied people. they are bvery norrow minded and veyr materiolistic.” — I already agreed that sum Amurikanz ar bvery stuppied. But not all; the first spell checking software was invented at UC Berkeley in 1972 — by an American.
  • You have a handful of smart and educated people who drive the country, and then you have this humongous blob of utterly clueless people who are hardly able to make a living.” — Can’t really argue with that. But, again, the same can be said for every other country.
  • You are all non-sensical inbred morons.” — Actually I don’t personally know anyone who is the result of inbreeding in the United States, although it may be common in certain areas of the country such as Tennessee (pronounced “Ken-tuck-ee”, if you’re from Tennesee). You think inbreeding didn’t occur within the European and Asian royals of the past? The Spanish Habsburgs died out due to inbreeding. Consanguineous marriages were also common in Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Japan, and India, and 20-25% of marriages within many Muslim and Hindu societies are between first cousins.
  • Americans are generally loud and stupid.” — Yeah, I hate American tourists, too. Again, I’d qualify that as “some”, rather than generalizing the population as a whole.
  • U.S.A is the biggest shìt hølë.” — According to Google, it seems that people all over the world are calling just about every country on the planet the “biggest shìt hølë”. And half of them claim that wherever they’re living now is the world’s biggest shìt hølë. I say we just all take a vote and decide once and for all. That’s the democratic way.
  • I thank God that I’m not a stupid åss-fûçkìng American.” — I thank God I’m not a stupid åss-fûçkìng American either. I can’t understand people’s obsession with anal sex. Sorry, I’m not into that. I’m just a regular American of above-average intelligence, eking out a living, trying to fulfill the dreams of my family.

I’d rather be considered a stupid American than have to resort to pointless name-calling in a vain attempt to gain national stature. I am hardly a Bible-toting, born-again Christian, but I find it difficult to disagree with these Proverbs:

“The proud and haughty man, ‘scoffer’ is his name; He works in the arrogance of pride… When pride comes, then comes shame, But with humility comes wisdom.”

Don’t lump every citizen of a country together under a single label; it just makes you look stupid.

119 Responses to “Those Stupid Americans”

  1. Johnny

    We Americans need to stop bowing down and saying stuff like, “yes, I know most Americans are stupid, and I hate my government, and I didn’t vote for so and so, and I don’t agree with this, and I just want to make you feel better about me,” because it’s just making us look more like åssës. Why should we need to make Europeans or anyone else in the world like us and think we are smart? As long as you’re American, and smart, who really cares what some idiots opinion on your country is? Oh no, some European has met and seen some Americans out of the 300 million Americans in our country and the American was acting stupid, so that must mean that all Americans are dumb. Look at how stupid that European is! Basically, it comes down to the ethnocentric nature of all these other cultures judging other countries to their own standards. If you look throughout the history books, alot of times the reasons that we went to war with certain countries wasn’t just because we wanted to create instability in the world, and alot of times it was because one side might have asked us for help, or because we were trying to stop communism, which alot of the world was paranoid of at the time. You all should know why we wanted to stop communism.

  2. valentine

    The opinion of Johny confirms once again (at least for me) that the US is not a “free” country, the americans are more influenced by ideological propaganda than were the guys in the Soviet Union. In the USSR people were at least free in their mind they could understand the reality, another thing that they could not speak out their opinions. Most americans are dump – they swallow every propaganda and believe it. If you ever read the book of Orwell “1984”, it is the book of what the US is now. They re-write books and history very easy. They pervet facts and the Americans fooled by the propaganda repeat as parrots after the mass media – we help othr nations, we struggle for peace, we struggle against terorristes…. ans stay hated by other nations.

  3. ben

    Why did you (Americans) want to stop communism? Is this an American bashing board? Its a useless debate, as the problem is not how fûçkëd up Americans are, its the core values held in this western, and capitolist society. People, as a whole, are forced to live in a society that doesent cater for or reflect humanitarian values. Instead it caters for corporations and the desperate need to manipulate and degrade a populous to money-mad base-driven dogs( the term “dog” is used as a reference to metaphors?? ). The primary task of the media and corporations is to dumb down the populous therefore creating a population that will buy without (the corporations/government/…) having to expend energy/time/resources. Create a malleable populous, then you have control.
    Blah, Blah, Blah, we still have no say in the way things are run ultimately as we are kept in the dark.

  4. marecage

    George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?
    Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
    George: Great. Lay it on me.
    Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
    George: That’s what I want to know.
    Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.
    George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
    Condi: Yes.
    George: I mean the fellow’s name.
    Condi: Hu.
    George: The guy in China.
    Condi: Hu.
    George: The new leader of China.
    Condi: Hu.
    George: The Chinaman!
    Condi: Hu is leading China.
    George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?
    Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.
    George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?
    Condi: That’s the man’s name.
    George: That’s who’s name?
    Condi: Yes.
    George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
    Condi: Yes, sir.
    George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
    Condi: That’s correct.
    George: Then who is in China?
    Condi: Yes, sir.
    George: Yassir is in China?
    Condi: No, sir.
    George: Then who is?
    Condi: Yes, sir.
    George: Yassir?
    Condi: No, sir.
    George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
    Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
    Condi: Kofi?
    George: No, thanks.
    Condi: You want Kofi?
    George: No.
    Condi: You don’t want Kofi.
    George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And
    then get me the U.N.
    Condi: Yes, sir.
    George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
    Condi: Kofi?
    George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
    Condi: And call who?
    George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
    Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
    George: Will you stay out of China?!
    Condi: Yes, sir.
    George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
    Condi: Kofi.
    George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi
    picks up the phone.)
    Condi: Rice, here.
    George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
    send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese
    food in the Middle East?

  5. playnice_please

    Oh, Ben. Oh, “Valentine”. Shame on you! Don’t you dare say anyone is forced to live in America. And when you write about the country and say “THEY” and “IT” you are speaking about me.

    What you say we are influenced by is a Soviet originated term, collectively. Now stop. At least let us be influenced by our own propaganda please.
    Why do you think it so great to be free in the mind with a forced reality? Actually – that makes it worse.

    And PLEASE continue to complain about the darkness of media… ON A MESSAGE BOARD… ON THE INTERNET. I suggest you shut your computers off so that you are not subjected to the world’s evils… Maybe then you will not be so tempted to participate.

  6. Richard

    This entire discussion has proven my own point.

    It has proven that there are stupid Americans and smart Americans, stupid Canadians and smart Canadians, stupid Swedes and smart Swedes, etc., etc., etc. It has proven that you can’t judge an entire country of individuals based on the actions of a single individual or of its government. It has proven that stupidity has nothing to do with a race of people or the citizens of any particular nation, but everything to do with individuals.

    I stand by one of my earliest points: “I’d rather be considered a stupid American than have to resort to pointless name-calling in a vain attempt to gain national stature.” I admit that I am an American and that I am not ashamed to be considered an American, no matter what the official policies (or lack thereof) are. Merry Christmas! Peace to you all. – RDL

  7. Sergio

    americans are very dumb.; monolinguistic, noncultured, do not know about anything other than, pørnø, baseball caps, tee-shirts, and bbqs. USA is filled with work-addicted baby boomers who have permanently screwed the country by $$$$ greed. americans are narrow minded, workaholics who talk about $$$ constantly, define themselves by their jobs, and cannot relax. they obsess over pørnø, tv, emailings, “pop” stars, and watching millionaire imbeciles swing their hands to hit balls; many do not read, symphony, or know how to truly relax. they only get 2 weeks of holiday a year whereby they inudate beaches, yelling/screaming, rude, obnoxious yelps from those americans–truly deranged from workaholism and their paltry 2 week holiday?!?! They cannot carry on a cogent converation unless it involves sports, pørnø, screaming, drugs, or talking about work/boss etc… Those corporate dumping grounds (work) terry nickell dime their employees hence, the american employee stupidity–especially when they dare leave the confines of their mother land. some are extremely dumb and come from the midwest (mid-worst) .i.e; kentucky, minnesota, west viginia, tennessee, ohio, illinois. Plumb dumb, whiteville, with no depth other than talking work or pick-up trucking.

  8. Richard

    @Sergio: Again, you, like most others, missed the point completely. It’s easy to lump everyone together, and label them collectively, but is that fair? To address your points:

    I speak English and German, and am learning Russian. Although somewhat biased, I would not classify myself as dumb. However, you are welcome to have your own opinion of me.

    I have visited 23 countries and lived in three, so I have experienced multiple cultures. In fact, I’m using some of my hard-earned money to adopt an orphaned teenager from Ukraine and I’m using five weeks of my precious vacation during the frigid Ukraine winter to make it possible. There will be no drunken, loud-mouthed frolicking on the beaches along the coast of the Sea of Azov, I assure you! Three of the six states you mentioned are not actually in the Midwest, but I get your repeated (if somewhat flawed) point about monoculturalism. I’m kind of surprised you didn’t bash the South at the same time.

    I do wear T-shirts a lot (although I just ordered seven button-down shirts online), but I don’t wear baseball caps unless I have to go to the supermarket early in the morning and my hair looks messy. I do know a lot about barbecuing and grilling, and have developed several restaurant-quality rubs and sauces which I someday plan to market. Barbecuing is popular in Argentina, Brazil, Portugal, and many other countries. Are citizens from those countries dumb, too? I don’t watch or follow sports at all, and I think baseball is incredibly boring. Many folks outside the US watch imbeciles swing their legs to kick balls into nets. Are they dumb?

    Greed is universal, although I would agree that there are more people able to take advantage of greed in the US. And, like anywhere, excessive greed by a few immoral and unethical people has hurt millions. However, I am not in that category. You live in a country with no greedy people? I am lucky to get about 30 days of vacation each year, although most people get only two weeks of vacation per year. How is that their fault?

    There are many Americans who can be labeled “white trash”. They usually live in trailers, sport mullets, hang a shotgun in their pickup truck, watch Fox News, and are usually regulars on The Jerry Springer Show, Cops, or America’s Most Wanted. They are annoying, loud, and obnoxious — and I am embarrassed by them, too. I would like to live in your country where everyone is so obviously perfect!

  9. Chris Newcome

    ya, your right, iam going to be putting my own blog about thoses stuped Amrcans

    here is just one reason. Americans get so mad and bohooing about all the fighting in other countrys, killing our young men & women but what they might not know is we are surporting those killers by buying products made in China & Japan and other countrys that also buy and sell products from our ememys, they laugh at us because we are helping them kill our own, corperations like walmart, Target, ect. have there products make in countrys that sell our products in our emtys countrys. even if these countrys like China & Japan are our so called friends they are friends to our ememy, so why complane when our kids are being killed we are killing our own.

  10. Tyce

    Americans are crazy/apathetic/and indeed somewhat moronic; they are work addicted. they ARE loud. I am a kiwi and can attest to the moronic USA mentalities–baseball cap wearing, pop culture nonsense.

    USA is financially and economically bankrupt (hence their waning dollar and the country a cess-pool of illegal immigration) b/c of the PC mates, the excessive greed. and YES it IS the USA’s fault for only having a pittance of a 10 day “holiday.” that is NOTHING. the people in the states should stand-up and do something proactive to promote a much more healthy less work addicted life style that sheeply accept the status sorry quo. good day.

  11. WhiteJellyFungus

    Oh yeah…Amerikans. Vapid non-culture. NASCAR. (love it when them cars turn left and their drivers demonstrate their skills running into each other at 200mph.

    Insular society…those fat båstårds, they ‘don know shìt from Shine-Ola. Average Amerikan cannot tell you “what’s happnin” in the next county over, but knows all about Britney Spears and the colour of her pubic hair.

    Jingoistic nationalistic crap…wavin the good old Stars and Bars in everybody’s face. Praise the lors and pass the ammo, God is on OUR SIDE.

    Harbingers of truth, justice, and the Amerikan way, fer sure. Just like Superman his bad self. Imperialistic, war mongering liars. Excessive, pushy, culture destroying cruise ships filled with Whopper lovin morons.

    Arriving at Fort Erie in July, inquiring about “how good the snowboarding is”.

    Stupid Amerikanos…the shìt goes on and on, never to cease.

    CHINA is gonna eat their lunch, and soon.

    God bless Amerika, land of the free, home of the brave. Land of the DUPED, home of the LAME.

  12. Blair Watson

    Americans are pathetic and ignorant. I use to live in the worse nation (USA) and I was dying to get the hick out off that nation. The American women had balloons or water bags inserted into their breast or åssës. Also when I was residing in the cheap USA, I saw lots of anorexia, obese and fat bìtçhës (American Women).

    Old people consider themselves to be your average Joe American. When it comes to ignorance, America makes ignorance look ignorant. Who even cares about tiger woods’, let me guest oh I know, your average stupid American. American people are plain flat stupid, American people were the once who screwed their own economy and screwed their own nation. FU AMERICANS AND FU AMERICA!

  13. Sean D. Martin

    Y’know, Blair, when you complain about people being stupid and ignorant it really doesn’t help your case much when you can’t spell, use grammar or capitalize correctly, or even write much of a lucid sentence.

    Yes, America contains stupid and ignorant people. So does every country on the planet. You want to make a case that America contains a higher percentage of the ignorant than other countries, then do so. All you’ve done so far is demonstrate how crude and ignorant you are.

  14. Frank Ballack

    Yo Sean D. Martin

    Why is it that when you fat lazy Americans defend your own nations, you people prove how ignorant you are on accusing people on your false believes.

    Learn how to spell stupid yank. What do you yanks have? 50 Cent and Snoop Dog along with your white trash Eminem, oh yeah and don’t forget your hillbilly idol Willie Nelson. Let me guess, are you another one of those white trash yanks like Eminem. America is a nation contaminated with ignorant people like yourself who perhaps might have little hope of a future.

    Your college campuses like Harvard, NYU, Vanderbilt and Yale is a joke, You walk into those campuses and all you find is white ranchers and mechanicans walking around pretending to be highly educated. Don’t give me any BS statements on how multicultural USA is. USA is a close minded nation full of Nazis and white trash people like yourself (hint: the movie “Birth of a Nation” was filmed in the great old USA). USA is a nation that possesses a great ignorance in which these yanks are proud of. The more miserable the place, the more proud people will be to live there. USA is a huge ranch full of cowboys and rednecks and white ranchers.

    USA: land of the KKK, home of the whopper.

  15. Mark

    yo Sean D. Martin


  16. Mark

    The reason USA sucks

    They polute the world with their way of life through the media. Hollywood only serves to give us alternate reality’s, false hopes and unrealistic expectations. It also serves to desensitize the worlds public audience against war, violence, injustice and racist ideals. All this while promoting America as the best nation in the World. Media such as television, radio, print, internet….all work together in a global propaganda and brainwashing machine that effects nearly every person on the planet.

    This serves to control the world economy by programming a society of consumers to have wants that they think are needs. So they work “90 hours a week” to afford what they think they need to make them happy, while at the same time making themselves miserable, because they miss what life is really about and that is people – family and friends – human interaction.

    It is fairly evident even in my brief research that the American’s Lied about Cuba, 911 attacks, afganistan, iraq, to remove civil liberties and to start their war of terror -another chance to control the public and gain global real estate.

    America has no culture and disregards all other culural opinions as wrong incomparison with their New World Order.

    America talks about freedom while taking it away from under your feet but it will still be true, you have the freedom to work, to earn money and to spend it on things that you don’t need. All these gadgets and things that “make life easier” plus the ease and viability of fast food has created a nation of fat and lazy people and it is an epidemic that is spreading around the world.


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